7 and a half months now and still going strong

One of the rarest times you people will ever hear me complaim im sure. This was one of the best weekends I had since coming to SISPEC. Was able to catch up with my bros(trashed em all at pool), have some personal time, and also most importantly spend one whole day with my gal. Indeed time does not come by easy especially when you have less than 40hrs a week to spend with your friends and loved ones.

'Life shouldn't be so melancholic' says the lyrics of a song. But i cant help but feel this tinge of sadness enveloping me. Maybe its because im all alone at home the whole day, maybe its because of the tons of thoughts running through my mind, or maybe its all the worries that im carrying. Only God knows.

Never knew family and friends could mean so much to you especially when you are serving the nation. Its been more than 7 months now. And yet at every book in I feel the same sadness as I kissed my dear gal and my mom goodbye at Tekong Ferry Terminal on fateful Febuary 17, 2004.

Take it like a man! Many have said that and so have I. But its not easy indeed to leave everything you held so close to in the civillian world and be cast away on an island filled with rigidity and totally devoid of life, feelings and communications other than my handphone(and I thank God for that everyday). I was never adequately prepared to sacrifice so much of my life in order to serve the nation.

In my bmt and bslc in sispec, I've watch countless people getting 'out of course' and being downgraded to a lower pes status. I've often wondered why I was not one of them. I could have easily been a clerk or an admin personnel if I tried. As i struggled between weighing the call to serve the nation and the sacrifices I have to pay, I cant help but wonder why do all man in S'pore have to suffer this fate.

I thank God for helping me to sucessfully completed my bmt and bslc safely. Those who were with me during trainings probably know that God kept me safe many a times now. I thank my dearest gal for providing me with moral support and courage to go through what I face daily. Thank you dear for all your calls, your messages, all the things you have bought for or gave me, and all the time you have spend with me at every book out. Wonder how I could have got by without you.

I thank my family too as another pillar of my strength. My brothers were always there to hang out with. Thank you mom for trying so hard every weekend to stuff my already quite full bag with the tidbits you bought or made. I thank my elder bro for sending me to Pasir Ris during book ins. I thank my granny for bringing up the family these past few decades and the thousands of meals she whipped up in her lifetime. I thank my dad for working so hard daily to bring home the bread and butter for the family.

Now as i reflected and looked back, what I have contributed or have achieved in my life pales totally in comparison to what others have done for me. Many more have been a greater blessing in my life than I have in theirs. I cant help but feel a bit guilty for not studying hard and doing my best now. Why was i such a big git last time?

Well regrets always come too late don't they? In life we learn many things the hard way. Sigh.

Time to book in. Maybe this week will be better. Signing off for the week now. Take care all you people out there. Have a great week ahead.